The F-word.

It might be safe to say that we were all fed the hero storyline at some point, amiright?

Like, the only way to conquer anything is by never being afraid…and that some people are just born that way and everyone else, well tough shit!

Without even realizing it, we have an idea of who gets to live certain kinds of lives, and decide we are “not that person”.

We tend to see the people we look up to as fearless, superhuman anomalies whom we have nothing in common with.

Wanna know a secret? They’re not. They’re mortals, just like the rest of us.

I suspect one of the key differences between someone who goes on to realize big dreams and someone who doesn’t lies in the way they respond to a feeling we all know…many try to avoid the feeling altogether. 

The funny thing is, I believe we all get that tingly feeling. It can either paralyze us or motivate us. 

That feeling is often assigned the word “fear”.

FEAR! The scariest F-word.

But what is fear though? A charge that shoots through our bodies, and says omgomgomg, RUNNNN!

Have you ever tried slowing that whole thing down? Ever tried saying…wait…there’s no real danger here! You’re not going to die if you give that speech, or share your art. You won’t spontaneously combust if you ask for that raise, and no, everyone is not going to point and laugh at you.

What about calling that feeling something else? Sometimes we get that feeling because we want to do so well we’re just nervous about falling short. What if instead of saying “I’m afraid” you said “I’m excited!”? Or “I can’t wait!”

The way I see it, that thing that makes our hearts beat fast, and our tummies fill with butterflies is pure energy and we can train ourselves to use that energy however we want. Is it going to feel like a spa day? No, it’s scary territory, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also empowering. We get so much from using that energy. Let it run us into the ground and we’ll likely be looking back on our lives with tons of regret, at least that’s my guess.

The next time you really want to do something that is a step in the direction of being the person you want to be, I say go for it. Swap the scary F-word for that other famous F-word + it = Yep, you got it.





  1. to treat (a child or adult) like an infant or baby
  2. to keep in a dependent, infantile stage of development

I was having lunch with a friend, and I noticed that when she asked the waitress for ketchup, her voice rose several octaves and became very fragile.

Once the waitress was gone, I asked “what was that about?” Of course she had slipped out of this split personality as quickly as she slipped in. “That little tiny voice you just spoke in.” Her reply? “I get better results.”

The funny thing is, I understood exactly what she meant…although I found her version a bit extreme, it occurred to me that we both had been screwed by a lifetime of messages telling us that in general, people don’t respond well to women who tell you what they want….not even other women.

We apologize constantly, we make ourselves small so other people feel more comfortable…more powerful even. We are riddled with guilt for not taking care of what everyone else wants, of not giving to everyone who asks, and on top of that we have all this pressure to never age, and speak in baby voices to “get better results”.

So, when we go about our days, we know even for small things like when I go make-up shopping or when my friend wants ketchup for her french fries, we better be sure to sound like we are just full of sugar and spice. 

Now, let me take a moment to say - we’re New Yorkers - so there are times when it’s just like, screw this, I am woman, hear me roar! Still we’re not immune. Plus, everyone knows New Yorkers in general are…well, you know, special.

Am I cured? No, I still have to think about it at times and give myself permission to let it all go.

I don’t have any answers here. This isn’t meant to show you “the way”.

I just want to raise the question:

If you can’t say what you want, own it and not regress to childhood for things as simple as ketchup and lipgloss, how do you think you approach bigger things…your sanity, career, love life, your friendships, your dreams?

 We have to become aware of our behavior, why we do certain things, and when those things don’t serve us.

Awareness and discernment. 

Ok, time for bed.